


A Prayer To Be Free

by notalone91



Category: Glee
Genre: Anderberry Siblings, Car Accidents, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-03
Updated: 2015-04-03
Packaged: 2018-03-21 00:40:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3671082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notalone91/pseuds/notalone91
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Based off of a gif set that was floating around. After a car crash, how can Rachel deal with the effects on her brother and Kurt on his boyfriend.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Prayer To Be Free

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Gifset In Question](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/107223) by I'm not sure. 



> I’m really sorry. I’m … so sorry. I told you Blaine is my favorite character to torture. (Although, I torture Peeta too...) Anyway, this is the gifset: http://hufflebecks.tumblr.com/post/15124711321/ghostydiddy-sushiz6
> 
> (My god I wrote this eons ago.)

This was the way it always seemed to go.  They’d do their bi-weekly date with Finn and Rachel, Finn would take Rachel home and Blaine would take Kurt home.  They’d all joked about how illogical it was, but it gave them a reasonable amount of time alone together as well, and here they were, Kurt and Blaine, sitting in the driveway holding tight to each other as though if any distance came between them, they would fall apart at the seams.  

The day had been miserable, all around.  It was pouring and grey and just awful.  The later it got, the colder and more angry the rain became.  Mr. Schuester had kept them a bit later, not happy with the rehearsal and making them stay until he was satisfied.  They got to the restaurant and it was packed.  It took the waitress 3 tries to bring out a veggie burger for Rachel, leaving her more and more agitated as the night went on thus causing everyone else’s moods to falter as well.  Still, none of that mattered; they were here together, warm in Blaine’s car.  

Chatting along happily and sharing a few soft kisses, they hardly looked up when Finn’s car door closed next to them and he rapped on the driver’s window.  ”You coming in or spending the night out here, dude?”

"Just a sec," Kurt whined, watching him walk in, trying desperately to adjust his hair and missing completely how disheveled his pants were.  He let out a discontented sigh and turned around to face Blaine.  "Just imagine, in the time we’ve been sitting here talking, my step-brother and your sister have probably had sex… twice…  _and_ Finn drove back here.”  He giggled, kissing Blaine on the tip of the nose.  

Blaine shuddered.  ”I do my best not to, thanks.”  He adjusted himself a bit more, pulling Kurt close and kissing him deeply.

The countertenor smiled into the kiss.  ”I should probably get in there though,” he added.

Frowning, Blaine nodded and pulled out his best pout.

"Oh, don’t make the face, please," Kurt whimpered.  Blaine looked enough like a puppy without making his eyes wide and the lip.  Kurt slid close, closing his mouth around the boy’s lower lip.  When he pulled away, he asked "Better?"

Still frowning, the amusement in his eyes betrayed the facade.  ”A little, I guess…”

Kurt wiped an imaginary tear from his boyfriend’s face, playing along.  ”Don’t cry sweetheart, you can share my juicebox at recess tomorrow.” 

"Promise?"  Blaine quirked an eyebrow and smiled.

He laughed.  ”I promise,” he replied, opening the door and shivering immediately.  ”I love you, babe.”

"I love you, too," Blaine chorused.  "Get in there before you catch a cold," he called.

"So fast from child to parent.  You’re something else, Blaine," he giggled.  "Drive safe."

He smiled.  ”I will,” he mouthed, blowing a kiss as he slid the car into reverse and pulled out of the driveway.  He drove cautiously through the neighborhood and out onto the busiest street in Lima.  He wasn’t comfortable on the street as it was, but especially when the rain was coming down at its hardest.  He pulled off and into his neighborhood, breathing a heavy sigh of relief.  He sped up a bit, now on streets he was confident in handling.  He continued on, carelessly letting his mind wander to Kurt and what he had said about his ‘juice box.’  He sure wasn’t a baby penguin anymore.  He let out a loud laugh.  

He wasn’t looking ahead when the red Suburban came straight into his lane, not even hesitating at the sight of the Jetta.  There was a deafening boom.  The small car spun off the road, landing on its side, stopped only by the bank of trees lining the street.  Everything was still again.

"What…?" he started.  Everything was fuzzy.  Where was Kurt?  Was he okay?  He remembered bright headlights.  He remembered the impact.  He remembered slamming into the steering wheel and the airbags deploying.  He didn’t remember anything else.  Had he already taken Kurt home?  He hoped he had.  It had all happened so fast.  Blaine let out a labored cry.  Was he making any sound at all?  Everything hurt.  Why was he so sleepy all of the sudden?  Maybe he should just take a little nap until the paramedics got there.  He could only imagine that someone would call them.  He hoped that someone would remember to call Kurt too.

—————

Rachel was at a near run, a good ten feet ahead of their fathers.  As she cut a swath for the front desk, her mind raced.  She knew they wouldn’t answer her questions, but she didn’t really know what else to do.  The frantic steps of her fathers closed in on her as they reached the receptionist.  The taller man stepped forward.  ”I’m looking for my son,” he said, dark eyes dashing about for any sign of him.  ”Blaine Berry.”  He thought for a moment, “His driver’s license may still say Anderson.”

The receptionist tapped quickly at her keyboard and, alarmed, looked back up at the trio.  ”4th floor.”  She offered a pitying glance and pointed to the elevator.

The girl dashed down the hallway, pressing the up button.  She looked back at her fathers, holding each other tightly and heading her way.  She couldn’t help but be amazed at them.  They’d only had custody of Blaine for the better part of two years and still, they had taken him in from the moment he’d been kicked out by his father.  She hardly had to mention that he needed a place to stay and they swept into action.  She couldn’t help but imagine that, with his floppy curls, big smile and bright hazel eyes despite his tears as he explained everything about the fight he’d had with his father to them, that all they’d been able to see was an adorable stray puppy.  When the doors finally whooshed open, Rachel stood against the door, holding it open for the two men now rushing toward her.  Once inside, they pressed the button for the fourth floor and began their ascent.  No one spoke.  There wasn’t a sound save for the faint breaths of the occupants.  Finally, what seemed to be centuries later, they reached their desired floor.  

They rushed out and hardly managed to form a sentence between them before they all saw him through the glass of the first room.  Blaine.  Hooked up to screeching monitors.  Bloody and bruised.  Devoid of all emotion.  Physically, it may have been Blaine, but this wasn’t him.  Rachel let out a distressed cry as she dashed for the door, leaving her fathers at the desk.  

Her instincts all screamed not to touch him; that she could disrupt something or hurt him more.  That didn’t matter.  In the last 2 years, Blaine had become so much more than her little brother.  He was her best friend, duet partner, confidante… he was always everyone she needed and here he was— unresponsive.  She reached out for his hand, taking it in hers and sat in silence.  ”Blaine,” she started, her voice barely above a whisper, “Can you hear me, sweetheart?”  She blinked away the tears forming.  ”Daddy and Papa are right outside talking to the doctors.  Please wake up.”  She brought their hands up to her face.  ”Blaine, please, I’m begging you now.”  She closed her eyes, nearly talking into his hand.  ”I don’t know what happened.  I know you’re tired, but you need to wake up now.”  She sat silently for a moment.  ”I need you to wake up.  Daddy and papa need you to…”  Suddenly, it clicked.  ”Kurt needs you to.  Please, do this for Kurt.  He needs you to come through this.”  All at once, the tears began streaming from her dark eyes, matting her thick eyelashes together.  ”You have so much you need to do here.”

The door opened and her fathers came through the door, doctor in tow.  ”…In short, there’s no way of really knowing at this point, but the outcome doesn’t look good, no matter what,” the doctor said, concluding what had surely been a much longer statement than it seemed to Rachel.  Their papa grabbed a handful of their daddy’s shirt and buried his face in his chest, sobbing.  Finally, “I’ll leave you to it, then,” he said, excusing himself from the room.

Rachel looked up at the two men in the door.  She considered herself a reasonably intelligent girl, but she didn’t quite understand what was just said.  “‘The outcome doesn’t look good’,” she parroted, asking for clarification without so much as a word.

"The doctor said that he had quite a bit of internal bleeding which seems to have stopped," the taller man started, without opening his eyes.  He took a deep, staggering breath and continued.  "He has a broken leg and some broken ribs and, when the car hit, he slammed his head in what they can conceive as 3 places, the headrest, window and steering wheel.  They don’t know how long he was stranded there before the lady that called it in got there."  He steadied himself against his husband.  "All we can do now is wait."

She closed her eyes again, pressing Blaine’s hand tightly between hers.  This couldn’t be happening.

—————

Hours passed.  Rachel didn’t know how long they’d been there or how long she’d been asleep in that chair.  She looked around for a moment and saw her fathers asleep next to each other on the small couch.  Pulling her cell phone out of her pocket, she blanched at the sight of the time.  3:39 AM.  She stood up and walked out of the room, asking the older lady at the desk where she could find the restroom.  Upon getting the directions, she thanked her kindly and headed off down the hallway.  Her fingers grazed over the keys of her phone.  She knew it was late but she needed to talk to Kurt.  She reached out for the handle of the door, pulled it open and walked inside, locking the door behind her.  As she dialed the familiar number, she leaned against the wood knocking her head on it lightly.  ”Please, have your phone close to you, Kurt.”  

The phone rang and rang.  The cold, automated voicemail message served as a substitute for the voice she had so desperately wished to hear.  ”Kurt, hi.  It’s me, Rachel,” she said, her voice unfamiliar and trembling.  ”I know it’s late.  Or early.  But this is really important.  I can’t say it to your voicemail.  Please, call me as soon as you wake up.  It’s… important.”  Her neatly polished thumb pressed the red button, illuminating the phone and terminating the call.

There were a great many things she should have said there, but how do you tell one of your best friends that their boyfriend, who is also your brother, is in a coma?  How do you tell them that over the phone?  Most importantly, how do you say that to a voicemail?  She shook her head lightly, and coaxed herself into believing that that was all she could have said.  She crossed to the sink and ran the cold water.  As she stared into the growing pool, her mind crossed deep into negative.  What if something got worse?  What if he didn’t remember them?  What if he lost important life functions?  What if, God forbid, his condition were to worsen and he died?  She couldn’t imagine it.  She couldn’t let herself imagine it.  He would be fine.  He had to be.  She reached her hands into the water and splashed it up onto her face.  

"He’ll be fine,"  she repeated as she dried her face with a wad of paper towels from the dispenser.  "He’ll be fine," again, as she looked in the mirror, trying desperately to make herself believe it.  "He’ll be fine, he’ll be fine, he’ll be fine," over and over again until she reached his room again and resumed her position at his side, tracing musical notes over his hand just as she had done the first night he stayed with them and avoiding the I.V.

—————

Monday Morning came around.  Blaine’s condition didn’t change and Rachel couldn’t take staying in the hospital anymore.  With her fathers’ okay, she decided that school was the place she needed to be.

Their papa stayed with Blaine; Their father drove Rachel to school, neither of them feeling much like going back to the house and getting her car.  ”So, are you going to come back after school,” he asked.

She looked out of the window.  ”Of course I am,” she replied shortly, “but, I’m probably going to have Finn and Kurt trailing behind me.”

"Will you be needing a ride back?"

Allowing a breathy laugh, she shook her head in response.  One thing she had always admired about her father was his incomparable ability to shut out all emotion.  She watched his hands grow rigid on the wheel.  She wished she could reach out and grab his hand, or that he would hug her when she was going to get out of the car, but that wasn’t their relationship;  That had  _never_  been their relationship.  

As they reached McKinley, she harbored one more glance to the man in the driver’s seat.  She waited merely a moment before sliding out of the seat and walking into the building.  Shaking lightly, she reached for the doors, not ready to face the day.

—————

"Have you noticed that Rachel’s been a little weird today," Finn asked, leaning over to Kurt.

Kurt nodded, adding his question on in reply, “Have you noticed that Blaine’s not here today?”  He bit his lip, reaching for his phone again to see that there was still no new message from him.  This couldn’t be good.

The rest of the room went on chatting happily.  Puck had his guitar out, lazily strumming some Green Day song.  Mercedes, Santana, Brittany, Tina, and Quinn danced around in the back, warranting a few stray glances from the rest.  Mr. Schue sat at the corner of the group, impressed at how unified they all seemed.  He hadn’t seen them all getting along like this in a long time.  ”Alright, guys, I guess we’ll get started then,” he said, bringing them all into their seats with a clap of his hands.  ”Now that we’re all back together again, it’s time to start thinking about Regionals.  Now, I was thinking we could bring back Don’t Stop Believin’ because it really…”  Faint clicks of familiar Mary Janes entered the room.  Rachel entered the room, tears streaming down her face.  He looked up at the girl who stood petrified in the front of the room.  ”Rachel,” he started, suddenly going into 100% concerned teacher mode.

"It’s Blaine," she said with a gulp, bringing the smiles on the faces of the choir to a halt.  "He’s in the hospital."  She dabbed at her eyes, doing everything possible to avoid eye contact with Kurt, who had now slid to the edge of his seat.

"What happened?" Will asked.

She closed her eyes and rocked back onto her heels.  ”There was a car accident.”  The girl moved to speak but couldn’t find the words.  After a moment, she continued.  ”He’s in a coma.”

Kurt’s breath stilled in his chest as he looked desperately at his best friend.  Was that why she had called him so early yesterday morning?  He should have known that her sleep regiment was just as important to her as his was to him.  He should have answered.  He should have called back.  

Finn’s arm instinctively crossed his shoulders as he asked in place of his step-brother, “When’s he gonna wake up?”

Seeming to search for the right words on the back wall, she pursed her lips, then stated “We don’t know.”

A few scattered murmurs pierced the silence, but no one really knew what to say or do.  Kurt managed to hoist himself on trembling legs and cross to Rachel, wrapping her tightly in his arms.

—————

The daylight was beginning to fade into a series of pinks and golds as the set of students pulled into the parking lot of the hospital.  Finn took his keys out of the ignition, turning to look at his girlfriend and his brother.  ”Are you guys okay?”

The pair looked at him in dismay.  Of course they weren’t okay.  How could this ever be okay?  Still, despite the boldfaced lie, they knew what he meant and nodded quietly.

Finn got out of the car and ran a lap around it, opening both passenger side doors.  The passengers smiled weakly and thanked him.  He put his arm around Kurt and took Rachel by the hand.  

Rachel led the way into the hospital.  There was no rush; no sense of urgency.  When she left this morning, there was no sign of any changes so for them to run across the hospital to sit quietly in a room was ridiculous.  She could hear Kurt’s uneven breath.  She felt absolutely terrible that he had to find out the way he did.  It wasn’t fair.  Even though she had tried to tell him before, she could have pulled him aside earlier in the day.  It wasn’t as though she hadn’t seen him.  She just couldn’t bring herself to say it.  She could hardly say it in front of everyone this afternoon, how could she have said it to him?  She loved him dearly and she knew that Blaine did, too.

Finally, they reached the door.  Before they went in, she stopped short in front of the door.  She addressed the boys.  ”Look, I don’t want you guys to be shocked by what you see.  He…  He’s pretty beaten down,” she said.  ”It hardly even looks like him.”

Kurt’s eyes met hers.  ”This is not the first time I’ve sat bedside for someone I love, Rachel.”  As soon as he said it, he regretted it.  He saw that she felt the sting of his words and he could feel the shock on Finn’s face.  ”I’m sorry,” he said, closing his eyes momentarily, then bringing the brunette back into focus, “I didn’t mean for that to sound the way it did.  But, you know what I mean.”

The girl nodded.  She knew exactly what he meant.  He’d been through so much in the last year.  It really wasn’t fair.  She turned back around and reached for the door, pushing it open.  Instantly, tears welled in her eyes.

—————

Kurt looked at Rachel in disbelief, then back to Blaine, sitting up and, though drowsy, holding a conversation with their Papa as their father chatted with a doctor in the corner.  He crossed to the bed, carefully taking in everything around him before leaning over the bed and taking Blaine’s hand in his.

As soon as his hazel eyes, bloodshot and hazy, reached Kurt, he did everything in his power to regain as much composure as possible.  Still, he couldn’t hide the happiness that washed over him immediately.  He had panicked when he woke up.  He didn’t remember dropping him off, but he didn’t see him anywhere.  He had never been so scared.  Eventually, Father managed to calm him down a bit.  Despite the relief of knowing that his Kurt was safe.  He smiled warmly, tugging the now sobbing Kurt up closer to his face.  ”Hey,” he whispered, “Hey, stop that, babe.”  He kissed Kurt gently on the top of the head.  ”I’m alright.”  Finally, he looked up at Rachel, who had buried her face in Finn’s chest.  ”Hey, sis,” he said, causing her to whip dramatically around.  ”I’m not dead.  The waterworks aren’t entirely necessary.”  He brought his hand up to rub the spot above his eye where it had impacted the steering wheel.

Her brown eyes broadened as her tirade began to formulate in her mind.  ”No, but you could have been, Blaine, and I for one don’t really appreciate your sarcasm.  You’re here in a hospital and—”

"That’s it, Rachel.  I am in a hospital, good of you to notice," he took a slow breath and continued.  "That doesn’t mean that I need to hear how horrible it’s been on everyone else while I’ve been in here.  I get it and I feel horrible about it."  He looked at Kurt and grabbed tighter to his hand.  "I love you all.  I really honestly do," he adjusted his gaze back to Rachel, "but I’m alright."

At that moment, another doctor came in, tall and generally handsome but with some very severe features and an all around foreboding manner.  ”I think,” he said deeply, “that’s something more for these machines to be the judge of.”  He walked over to the monitor and tutted.  ”I’m going to have to ask you all to wait outside for a few moments.”

Distressed, Kurt blanched but didn’t move.  He looked only at Blaine for approval.  ”It’s fine,” the curly headed boy said.  ”I’ll be right here.”  He pulled Kurt close and kissed him tenderly.  ”I love you,” he added as Kurt left the room and gingerly moved his hand back to his head.  

"I love you, too," Kurt replied, blowing a kiss over his shoulder.

The door clicked shut behind them.  Kurt spun on his heel, planting his back against the wall and sliding down.  He looked up at Rachel, whose pitying stare was becoming overwhelming.  ”I’m sorry I didn’t answer you,” he said.  He pulled his knees in tight to his chest.  ”I’m sorry I wasn’t with him.”  He took a deep breath and closed his eyes, burying his face in his arms.  ”I’m sorry he didn’t take you home.  I’m sorry you’ve had to be here all weekend.  I’m sorry about everything,” he cried, desperately willing the tears to go back to their rightful place— in his eyes.

Instantly, Rachel swooped to his side.  ”No, honey, no,” she said, completely forgetting that there were three other people witnessing the exchange, and pulling Kurt, now bawling, into her arms.  ”He wouldn’t have had it any other way.  It was rainy and that SUV had no reason to be in his lane.  You can’t blame yourself.”  She rocked him tightly in her arms.  

A half hour passed and there was still no sign of the doctor coming out.  Rachel, who still held Kurt close, glanced up, catching a glimpse of her boyfriend.  Finn stood a short way away, his face buried in his hands leaning up against the nurses station.  She nuzzled gently against Kurt for a moment before she stood up and crossed to Finn.  The shorter girl reached out to him, moving his arms around her.  ”You’re quiet,” she stated, ignoring how obvious it really was.

He leaned down, placing a kiss atop her head.  ”I hate hospitals, but I love you and I love Kurt and I love Blaine so, I’m here.  This just sucks.”  He paused a moment.  ”I should have driven you both home that night.”

"Finn, stop," she said.  "I can’t believe that I’m the one trying to be the voice of reason here."  She paused, looking him directly in the eye.  "If you had driven us all home, there is a strong chance that all four of us or you and Kurt would be in here."  She reached up and tugged the boy into a tight hug.  "It’s bad enough with one of us in here, let alone multiple."  She felt tears breaking free and immediately brushed them away.  "No, we need to be strong for him.  He’ll be fine, but we need to—"

Suddenly, there was the scream of a heart monitor and the group looked around, trying to find the source.  The group, that is, sans one.  Kurt froze, eyes wide in horror.  From where he sat against the wall, there was no denying that the tone was coming from Blaine’s room.  Their fears all confirmed as two more doctors pushed past into the door. 

Kurt jumped up and tried to follow them, only to be shoved out.  He did manage, to see a glimpse of a heart monitor producing a flat line and four sets of hands working desperately to bring Blaine back to life. This kind of stuff didn’t happen in the real world.  This is the kind of stuff he reveled in on Grey’s Anatomy.  It didn’t happen this way.  He had woken up so he  _had_ to get better.  He stared in the small window in disbelief.  

He was fine a few minutes ago.  He was talking.  He was awake.  He was fine.  How could this happen?  Kurt heard their fathers, both in hysterics trying to calm each other down.  His heart broke.  He turned around to Finn and Rachel, both staring at him expectantly.  Their stares sent him, weeping, into his brother’s arms.

Not quite sure of what to do, Finn did the only thing he could do;  He wrapped his arms tightly around his brother and his girlfriend and held them, resting his cheek atop Kurt’s head and turning them all slightly away from the door.

A few moments passed and then the beeping ceased.  Breaths stilled in their chests.  The two doctors who had rushed in came back out.  One ripped his gloves off angrily and headed off in the opposite direction from the other.  The doctor that had come in to tell them to leave came out next.  He shook his head sadly and offered a pat on the shoulder to Finn as he walked past.  Finally, Blaine’s doctor, the one who had been there the whole time, emerged.  ”Messrs. Berry, please, step this way.”  The sad, tired looking man gestured for their fathers to move with him into a room down the hall.  

As soon as the adults were out of sight, the three exchanged guarded glances and Finn broke free his arms from their previous position.  Rachel moved first, slowly but surely.  Kurt followed behind.  Then, Finn.  The girl paused at the door, not wanting to be the first one to see.  Sensing her hesitance, Finn reached around and slowly pushed open the door.

There it was; their worst fears confirmed.  Blaine lay silently and still on the bed, monitors turned off.  Kurt rushed to his side.  ”No,” he plead.  ”Blaine, baby please wake up.”

Rachel nearly collapsed into Finn’s arms.  He rocked her gently as she wept, trying to move her into the room and out of the hallway.  ”Shh,” he cooed, not knowing what else to do.  He’d never been good at comforting people, but for her, he’d try.

Kurt leaned over the side of the bed, draping his arms around the lifeless body of his boyfriend.  ”Please,” he repeated, “please, please don’t leave me.”

Finn shut his eyes.  He didn’t know what else to do.  This was too much to bear.  Secretly, he wished Rachel’s dads would have come in just then so he could go and comfort Kurt.  He loved Rachel, but Kurt needed him, too. 

After a few minutes, Finn managed to calm both his girlfriend and his brother down enough that they could comfortably leave the room.  The three moved together, hands clasped, toward the waiting room at the end of the hall.  The tall boy sat Rachel down in a vacant chair and Kurt directly next to her.  He knelt down in front of them and did the only thing he knew he could.  He held their hands.

—————

The next few days proved to be difficult for everyone involved.  There were funeral arrangements to be made, missed school, missed work, countless tears spent.  Still, Rachel and Kurt hadn’t spoken to each other once since the hospital, despite many attempts from other people.

Finn tried desperately.  Mercedes had arranged a sleepover so that they could all be together.  Rachel and Kurt spent most of it on opposite sides of the room from each other.  Puck had all but forced the two of them into a janitor’s closet together.  Everyone had nearly exhausted themselves trying to make everything even the slightest bit better. 

Finally, the day of the funeral came around.  The entire way across town, Finn tried to coax Kurt into speaking to Rachel.  He knew it would happen on it’s own, but this was too much.  ”Kurt, she’s your best friend.  You lost your boyfriend.  You don’t need to lose her, too,” he said coolly.  After another moment of silence, he figured it out.  He pulled the truck over and looked directly at Kurt.  ”Put the shoe on the other foot.  Imagine it was me in that car.”  Kurt closed his eyes and turned away; Finn knew he was getting somewhere.  ”Imagine it was me.  What would you have everyone else do?”  He took a steadying breath and continued on, despite the grim thoughts.  ”Rachel’s trying.  She is.  She knows how difficult she’s being by asking to be left alone.  You should know by now that that didn’t mean you.  That would never mean you.”  He shook his head.  ”She misses you.  She just lost her brother.  She doesn’t want to lose her best friend, too.  But you know Rachel,” he said, smiling fondly, despite the inappropriate timing, “she can never admit when she’s wrong.  But she is.  And she does know it.”  He paused, then continued on.  ”And I just wanted you to know that, no matter how much everyone is doting on Rachel, we’re all worried about you, too.”  Kurt’s eyes dashed open.  ”I know none of us have shown it, but you’ve been doing your best to put on a brave face and no one wanted to crack that.”  He reached a hand out and grasped his shoulder.  ”I know, though.  I hear you crying when you go into your room.  I just…” he thought carefully about his word choice, “I didn’t know how to say that I’m here for you.  Next time, I’m barging in and making you talk to me.”

Kurt looked dumbfounded at him.  In the days since, no one had even thought about how he felt about the whole thing, at least not to his knowledge.  He scooted closer to his brother and hugged him.  ”I’m sorry, Finn.”

Finn’s smile stayed.  He knew he was cracking.  ”I know, bud.”  He rubbed Kurt’s back.  ”Just know that I’m here for you.  You’re not alone.”

That was the end of it.  Kurt sobbed deeply as he clung to his brother, taking handfuls of his black suit jacket.  ”It’s not fair,” he cried.  ”He wasn’t supposed to go like this.  We were supposed to go together; old and fulfilled.  Not like this.  He shouldn’t have been alone.  He was all alone.”  Kurt steadied himself and sat up, staring directly into the dashboard.  ”I can’t do this, Finn.  It’s not fair,” he was starting to yell.  ”I’m eighteen.  I’m not supposed to be going to my boyfriend’s funeral.  This wasn’t supposed to happen.”  He felt himself get angry.  That was one emotion he hadn’t gotten to yet.  Anger.  He hopped out of the truck and walked a short way down the sidewalk. 

"Kurt!"  Finn dashed after him.  "Kurt, stop," he said, reaching out for him.

"It’s.  Not.  FAIR!" he screamed, planting a kick to the unsuspecting mailbox in front of him.

Finn wrapped him tightly in a hug as he screamed and struggled.  Not once did Finn let go.  ”Stop it, I’m bigger than you, so you’re clearly not going anywhere.”  He felt the tears welling in his own eyes.  He had never seen Kurt so worked up.  He searched for the words to stop him.  ”You’re going to destroy your shoes.”  

A moment later, Kurt stopped and looked up at Finn.  Their faces bore matching tear stains and red blotches.  ”Wait, my shoes?”  He said, searching the face of his step brother for where the  _hell_  that came from.  

"I knew it would stop you," he said, a tense laugh permeating his tears.

He nodded, then realized that he should have been moderately offended.  ”Come on,” he muttered, smacking Finn lightly on the arm, “let’s get this over with.”  He headed toward the truck.

Finn reached his hand out and grasped Kurt’s arm.  ”Wait,” he said.  He studied the boy’s face and then wrapped him in another tight hug.  ”Now, let’s go,” he said.

—————

When the pair finally got to the funeral home, Kurt nearly hopped out of the truck.  He tugged Finn along behind him as he sprinted for the door.  The first thing he did was look for Rachel.  He needed to hug her.  He hadn’t done so in almost a week and they both needed it desperately.  The pair slowed down as they reached the door to the room they were looking for.  They crossed through it and immediately started scanning the room.  It was unsettling to see so many familiar faces.  Kurt saw a group of Warblers sitting in the front corner, comforting each other.  The New Directions were sitting next to them.  Still, he didn’t see Rachel or, for that matter, her dads.  

Puck and Sam stood up and headed for the pair at the door.  Kurt took a second glance around the room, which seemed to tighten in around him, looked up at Finn and said “I’m going to go get some air.  

Kurt dashed through the corridor and back out the tall glass doors.  He reached the curb and sat down on the cool concrete.  ”I can’t do this,” he breathed.  ”I can’t do this.”

"Yes, you can," spoke a woman from in front of him.  Rachel.

Instinctively, he stood up and flung himself at her.  ”I’m sorry.  I’m so, so sorry.”

—————

Time passed on.  Eventually, life started going back to normal.  Glee Club rehearsals weren’t as  tense.  Kurt didn’t cry himself to sleep every night.  Rachel didn’t expect to see Blaine at the breakfast table every morning.

That’s not to say that he wasn’t always on their minds.  He was; They just didn’t let their sorrow run their lives.   They had futures they needed to see through.  He would have wanted it that way.

He was still a touchy subject.  Everyone felt a dull pain, like pressing on an old wound, when he was brought up, so they had gotten used to tiptoeing around it.  Needless to say, having it thrown in their faces was an immeasurable shock.

One bright Tuesday afternoon, Rachel and Kurt stepped to the front of the room to present their most recent project.  They  had been working on this one for a while but were too scared of not being able to get through it.  Still, it was decided that they had waited long enough.

Rachel looked over to the jazz band and gave a nod, cuing them in.  She started singing, a bit softly, but definitely sure of herself.  ”What if I said yes?  What if I’d gone out that night?”  The girl closed her eyes and really thought through the words she’d sung a hundred times prior.  ”What if you turned left and everything would have turned out alright?  What if I spoke up?  What if I took the keys?”  She nervously brought her hands up to her neck.  ”What if I would have tried a little harder instead of always trying to please?”

The room stared in awe.  Where had they found this song?  ”Joey, I’m so sorry.  Oh, can you hear me?”  Puck smiled softly and exchanged a nod with Sam, knowing that the anonymous CD they’d left on the flower table at the funeral hadn’t gone unnoticed.  ”Joey, I’m so sorry.”

"What if I said no?  What if we never fell in love?"  Kurt stared at the floor.  He felt himself letting go.  Maybe this song wasn’t such a good idea.  "What if we’d gone slow or a little faster and broken up?  Would I know this hurt?  Would I feel this pain?"  His hands wandered to his chest, tapping along against his heart with the words, the way Blaine used to do.  "Do you know that with all I have left in my very last breath I will call your name?"

"Joey, I’m so sorry."  Rachel harbored a look to Kurt.  Seeing the tears in his eyes, she reached a hand for his.  "Oh, can you hear me?  Joey, I’m so sorry."

"Were you sad?  Were you scared?"  Kurt shook his head, imagining the fuss Blaine would be making if he could see how everyone was taking this.  "Did you whisper a prayer to be free?"  

Rachel stepped forward, looking at the chair left empty for Blaine at every rehearsal.  ”Was it quiet and cold?”  A tear broke loose of her very own.  ”Was it light or too dark to see?”

"And did you reach for me?"  Kurt looked at Finn, who nodded knowingly.  Of course he did.  Everyone knew he had to have.  

The duo alternated between melody and harmony as the music faded out.   “Joey, I’m so sorry.  Oh, can you hear me?  Joey, I’m so sorry.  Oh, can you hear me.  Joey, I’m so… Joey, I’m so sorry.”  Once the music had gone completely silent, they looked at each other and let a tense smile fall across their lips as they hugged each other.  

The rest of the group applauded for their friends.  Rachel crossed up to her seat next to Quinn; Kurt, to his place between Finn and Mercedes.  And, just like that, they could feel the gloom lifting.  They were a long way from being okay, but together, they were much closer than they were apart.

> ~~~~


End file.
